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Simon is practicing his recently acquired job skills for when we boot him out of the house at 18. Throw in some crazy and he has it down pat.


mmmmm...your soul looks tasty. I can haz it?

The Adventures of Petting and Zoo

We went to a local petting zoo. Mostly bunnies and guinea pigs....so more like visiting someone's house who has a hoarding disorder. Here we see charlie discovering the animals as they cower in against fences anticipating the horror that is about to befall them.


Its like watching a shopper handle the produce in order to find that one piece of fruit that is just right..."mmmm...you feel just right...i wonder how you taste...naughty fruit...."


"GET IN MA BELLY!"



At the zoo there was a pen with the larger animals that would actually jump up on you if they felt you had food. Here we see simon winding up to what I would assume would be a power kick if the animal decided to turn on him. He's swift with punishment but he does it with love.....and also a small dash of fear. I too am waiting for the animal to turn on him....more out of curiosity then anything else. Simon, being our first child, grants me the ability to test things out on him. If the animal were to have turned on him, we would have both learned a valuable lesson. It's a WIN/WIN situation.

The Adventures of Petting and Zoo Part II

"No Mr. Bond...i expect you to die...."
(notice that the guinea pig is in a plastic container normally reserved for the carrots you buy to feed the various animals...he has issues with rodents sitting on his lap. This was the only way he would allow it.)


We wanted simon to experience the great outdoors....so we paid for a ride on a small pony where he was buckled with 5 different belts, then lead by the trainer around in a circle trailed by melissa and charlie all along the way. Take a deep breath of that controlled environment air.....thats right, we're hardcore.


They also had a turtle....which sat there and looked at his food. like watching water boil.


"Hey turtle....c'mere....move or something....hey...look at my finger...my worm-like finger dangling in your habitat...look at it moving...drawing your attention, you know you want to bite it...come get it....it looks oh so tasty.......MOOOOOOVE!."


"Seriously?......seriously? you brought me here....to this? a freakin turtle that stares off into space. Where am i?....a nursing home?..get me out of here and you'd better damn well buy me a quesadilla."

The case of the missing whales.....

Simon's preschool went whale watching as one of their field trips. Here we see Simon and Charlie on the docked boat ready for their swanky adventure....but charlie brushed up against the captain while boarding the boat, thus activating his powers to see the future...as you can tell, what he saw displeases him.


The Journey begins, the anticipation rises as the thought of catching a glimpse of such a large aquatic beast bellowing out upon the surface of the water, reminding us of our own mortality....or....maybe not...perhaps its more focused on the potential of getting a corn dog after a cool boat ride.


Simon looking for a whale.....aiming at the sky....a whale....aimed at the sky....this is why we have him in preschool.


Simon realizing that there arent any whales and that using binoculars suck monkey balls. Hopefully he got that corn dog, but im not putting money on that notion either.

Friends...we have a few

We had the rare privilege to see some bestest friends from Montana while visiting Virginia...yeah go figure, they were both there at the same time. Julie is busy wondering how those little people get into her camera every time she pushes the shiny button and Jenn is wondering when simon is going to be distracted long enough for her to yoink his milkshake. It was awesome seeing these two lovely ladies again and it helped us remember what its like to have friends around that feel more like family. Sucks monkey balls that they live so far away though.....Monkey....Balls...thats right, i make no apologies for that comment.


Jenn, now realizing that she'd have to break Simon's fingers to pry the milk shake away, pretends to be part of the conversation....but ultimately if she had swiped it, Simon would probably just show his "sad face" as discussed previously in which your heart would melt and you would give into his demands. Curses! I must harness his sad face for my own fortune....i should write that down on a notepad or something.

The holidays...we haz enjoyed

Charley is scoping out the fine women in the airport. Mmmmm fanny packs and jean shorts.


Here we see Melissa happy as always to travel with 2 children. i think this is on our way back from Virginia. We see angry Miss more and more during the return trips. Oh yeah...she's giving me the evil eye. and the light source from above her gives her that godfather quality. She'd break your legs, and then probably apologize...maybe make you some tea...probably do errands for you as you recuperate....pick up your mail...watch your kids or something. Yeah...she'd pretty much be an all around crappy mobster


Simon is so excited to see the dentist for the first time (my father being said dentist). his faith and hopes will soon be shattered when he gets a metal hook thingy scraping his teeth. "Oh...im just looking" says my father and he pokes and pushes cold, calculated steel around on the inside of the teeth. Like biting asphalt or scraping a chalk board with aluminum siding. "Don't worry, your teeth look fine" as a glance towards his dental drill gives his inner thoughts away....or maybe that was what I remember and not so much Simon's experience.


yeah, he was pretty chill and even got to pick his own dental paste junk (mint i believe was his choice) that dentists use on that plunger looking thing that spins around like a mini-sander.


Not an optical illusion...those pins are about the size of a small turtle. Over X-mas we, as a family, decided to go bowling in a small bitty town in pennsylvania, or west virginia...I really have no idea where it was located. We just drove and stopped here.
We thought it was little kid night or, midget monday or something, but alas, it was Duckpin bowling...meaning they are always this small and the bowling balls fit in the palm of your hands. Needless to say, normal bowling rules do not apply, nor do the physics of it. I reverted to my childhood and threw the ball aimlessly, more concerned with being mocked by the locals then actually hitting any pins.

Where my goldfish platforms at?

Here we have little Simon practicing his pimp skills. who is this girl?
I have no idea...she wandered into our home off the street and Simon promised to "show her around" and "take good care of her". hmmm...I'm sure this will lead to pleasant tomorrows. Actually this is the daughter of some good friends of ours. They were visiting us from southern Utah and these two just spontaneously started hugging and smiling.


OK...not really spontaneously...many bribes were offered and threats were made to pose for the onlooking crowd. As you can tell, Rick and Michelle find it just as hilarious as us. They were like little dancing monkeys taking orders and requests. All I was missing was a few nickels to throw at their feet. I fear our children will forever be scarred by the things we force upon them.

Look at us...we're so freakin cute it makes you sick

I know...the vomit begins to swell in the back of your throat like a cough you just can't get out. Your jaw begins to tighten and a bit of a tear beings to form in your eyes. Can someone be that cute as to cause an involuntary spasm of bile....the answer is simply, yes....yes they can. Its a few months old, but i just found it and needed to share their glowing cuteness like a rat sharing the plague. Bask in their glory.....but not for too long, for if you touch the sun, will it not leave you a dry husk?...a shadow of your previous self cursed to wander the earth with nothing to lift your bewildered soul, grasping in the darkness guided by blind eyes and a broken spirit.

Apple season

It was apple season, so the family made the trek to the grandparents place to pick us some fine lookin' fruit. Here we see Grandpa standing triumphantly in front a few of the select trees in which we partook many, many pieces of candy- like apples.


Melissa and simon are tag teaming this tree. Simon is trying to show his manhood by lifting the apple bucket and then most likely mock charlie in the background by flexing and pointing then rounding it out with a few breaking of the invisible boards in his bare hands. yes...his mocking skills are improving, but he has much more to learn.


This is Melissa with some apple picker thingy. I swear, who ever invented this doohickey needs a nobel prize of some sort. Pure and simple with a stroke genius. It also works freakin' sweet on his walnut tree. Its like the swiss army knife of orchards.