Crap...my meager streak is over.

I was so good for a few months...then I got busy. See how that works? Its not that i don't care about doing updates to this blog, its just that i don't care enough...Dont get me wrong, i enjoy entertaining those few who actually navigate to our little family blog and laugh at my general shenanigans and outright mockery, its just not in the forefront of my mind on a daily basis, therefore updates get left behind, like a forgotten child at a gas station. Don't worry, I always go back for them, but the example still applies.


So this is Simon riding a bike for the first time sans his training wheels. I had the boys one saturday while melissa was working and my mother was in town. We had an impromptu family gathering at a park where Simon promptly hopped on his cousins bike and took off. I took about 50 pictures as he rode the child sized bike in circles only crashing when he wanted to stop. My pride began to show as i talked to my extended family about the intelligence of my oldest son but also about his natural athletic ability to be able to pick up a bike and just go for the first time. When my wife arrived home that night i showed her the pictures i took and explained with amazement how gifted our son was. her response was "oh, hes been riding a normal bike for weeks now.....". Nice...So, the lesson learned is that my children have major milestones in their lives and i learn about them weeks if not months later. So, instead of a son with natural athletic ability, i have one that can ride a bike, but just cant stop without wrecking.


I can't tell where the hat begins and his hair ends. He's like a ninja that can only hide when standing near a fire truck or school house from the 1800's.


Simon watching cartoons one saturday morning. I really got nothin' for this one. I just saw him with his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap and it made me giggle. But look at those huge freakin' clater feet. Looks like we yoinked some flippers off of a walrus and slapped them on his ankle stubbs.


There was some confusion on Charley's part as to what kind of dress up was going to happen. Simon went for the classic star wars and charlie is all about the lone ranger/hulk medley. Charlie knows he is supposed to be strong, but also riding on a horse. So he settles for a one arm muscle pose rounding it up with a look of concern his people with a strong sense of law and justice.

A bit more salt...its pretty bland

Simon is telling me a story here...but i think at this point in the story he busted out some robot dance moves because he knew he was losing his audience.


This is Simon explaining the beautiful process of birth using his stuffed animal as his teaching example. Well, ok, thats not really what he is doing here, but doesn't it look like he has taken a slice of practical education and is now applying it to his every day conversations? And, from what I can remember when Melissa squeezed him out, it looks like he got the facial expressions right too.


This was taken during my "red phase". The pasty skin represents the lineage of our forefathers as they struggled against the sun and toiled in their seared skin never receiving any sort of relief, or sunblock application. Its entitled "Hephaestus".

I'm on a freakin roll...dig it.

Yet another notch in my belt of posting crap a few months consecutively. I find myself on a Saturday afternoon with my wife at work and my children with my visiting mother...i figured i got nothin' else going on and i might as well hit this blog up with some newer images.


Charlie's reaction to discipline...or perhaps Melissa is nagging him about his general lack of priorities...this reaction can apply to both instances.


"Crap...you saw that?....well...in my defense, she just kept talking...."


Me and the boys at the beach from our "family portrait series". As you can see...it was super successful. Me squinting at the camera while the sun blazes behind the photographer, Charlie channeling his Norsk ancestry and screaming as to prepare for battle, and simon lifting his pant legs much like a young victorian girl would humorously lift her skirt as to avoid a mouse. We are the Claters dammit!


Our car was dirty, so we took it to an automated car wash. As you can tell by their expressions, Simon really dug it and Charlie was thankful he was wearing diapers.


This is an older image from the x-mas scavenger hunt we participated in with Melissa's family. We had to take photos of all items on the list with family members in the pictures. We were cheating on this particular find. The objective was to find a clothing item with a chicken on it...we found ducks and melissa is hiding the word "duck". We came in last place and we cheated....so...yea...we suck at scavenger hunts. Aside from images that demonstrate our sucking at various remedial tasks, this image reminds me of a few memorable scenes from "village of the damned". In case you have no idea what i'm talking about here is a link to admire: Beware The Stare!

Hey look...a post the very next month

Im getting better at posting blog entries...i just neglect other things in my life in order to do so....kids, wife, chores...but lets be honest, im not that great at chores and my family is easily distracted by shiny objects or the Noggin Channel.


Over Christmas we went to the beach on a blustery day to take some family photos....and this is one...Here we see charlie soaked up to his waste in sea water after being there about 36 seconds...but to his credit, throwing big rocks into the tide pools was much more enjoyable then smiling at a camera.


Simon smiling for my crappy iphone camera...i swear, for a super over-hyped expensive piece of equipment, the camera really sucks monkey balls. In order to get a semi-decent image, the camera as well as the subject matter must remain perfectly still. then there's the whole push the "button" and wait 5 seconds for it to take. Again, sucks...big...monkey...balls. Simon didnt really notice my frustration as he was checkin' out the ladies and asking me for a copy of the image to make his 5x10 glossy's. He kept asking me if his hair was ok to which i responded.." looks like you just woke up"....his crooked smirk and a slow motion nod was all i needed to know that this was the look he had so delicately manufactured all morning long.



I asked Charlie to give me a kiss...this was the result. I knew immediately that Melissa had not be so truthful to me when i asked her if charlie was awake as she got caught up with her "show"....(Desperate Housewives)...yep....we're learnin' them young....learnin' them young.


Cort, my younger brother, showed me also what he had seen at my house while charlie was awake...his version was bit more disturbing and quite possibly what nightmares are made of.

Look....updated for no apparent reason.

Charlie calling upon the powers of a less-then-known Demi-God who is in charge of ridiculous matching hawaiian shirts. His prayer goes on unheard and unanswered as you can plainly see.


Simon, upon learning that Charlie's crys of embarrassment were less then persuasive to the said Demi-God of retarded apparel, began to call upon faded 80's wrestler *Sgt. Slaughter....who's last known whereabouts were the San Diego Comic Con, 2007. His pleas were cast by the way as well. (*Mr. Slaughter was hocking some sort of GI Joe character...I finally truly understood the ending of "Old Yeller" and how it was best for all parties involved.)


My entry into the short story contest...non-fiction category. Melissa and i were in our front room watching some tv (probably Scrubs) when we heard a sound of a constant flow of water hitting the wood floors. We had some pipe issues in our ceiling in the past, so when my wife jumped up to grab a towel she rounded the corner and began to laugh instead of fetching something to soak up the liquid. I got up to see what the commotion was all about and beheld my oldest son, standing on the fouth stair up, pants down around his ankles, with a steady stream of pee flowing from his neither regions. His eyes were half shut as he was scratching his neck waiting for his valve to shut off. We clapped...we screamed...we tapped his chest and head...nothing could stop that river...so we stood back and let him finish. What you see is the aftermath..pay special attention to the wall...notice the darker gradient of color that the wall magically takes on near the base of the stair case.........soaked.....yeah...our special little guy.

So I post Halloween pictures in December....who freakin cares?

Yeah, i always forget to update this thing. Its not that there is nothing going on, its just that i really can find better things to do to occupy my time in leu of writing witty and sometimes scathing remarks about my children and relatives. Granted, its fun to do so, but its not like i'm a dancing monkey who can come up with this stuff whenever someone throws a nickel at my feet...ok, maybe i can, but sometimes there are reruns of Futurama on and there is always a hope its an episode i haven't seen yet....here are some pictures.


My little family as Star Wars characters. Its like someone re-wrote the series staring little ginger kids as the main characters who's fatal flaws have more to do with too much exposure to the sun and our delicate skin, rather then struggling with the light and dark sides of the force.


Simon and Charley getting ready for the candy feast. Charley wasnt to keen on going and putting on that freakin hat-ear thing but once we demonstrated the whole "candy goes into your bag when you hold it up" concept, he strapped that headgear on and started giving me advice on how to approach the doors with maximum efficiency.


We went to a Halloween bash where they placed donuts on strings as a party game. The participants then had to eat the donut as fast as possible while competing with others. We considered Charley the clean up crew. Much like a man holding a bucket and a shovel walking behind an elephant parade. He didnt really get the game, but he enjoyed "sweeping" at the conclusion of each round.


All that "sweeping" made charley a mess. We had to take of his shirt and change him, and of course he asked us to take a few shots of his muscle structure so he can document his progress throughout his new exercise regimen. Cause apparently being freakin cute and cuddly isnt enough for him anymore. He hopes to one day draw conclusions for the unanswerable questions, to control his own surroundings with a mere thought, so that one day he too may call himself a brother of the gods.....He's become quite mad over the years....quite mad.....but for now......look at the glowing cuteness of that kid...sheesh, if i had money i would just hand it over to him for no apparent reason.

The Great Pumpkin

The boys went to a pumpkin farm and one of the attractions were goats...yeah...i know...freakin goats...who really wants to pet a goat? It's like petting the green scrubbing part of a dish sponge. We dont have any really cute fuzzy animals, but hey, here's goat, and it will eat stuff from your hands....and probably walk on your toes quite possibly making your children cry......cause hey, its a freaking goat...thats what they do. Yeah, im not too fond of goats. I like this picture because it reminds me of the movie "terminator 2". Specifically the scene were the lead actress is looking at a pleasant scene from behind a chain linked fence, then a bomb goes off and she slowly sees everything get vaporized while gripping onto the fence in agony....ok...just the beginning part, where everything is lovely and pleasant and warm fuzzies fill your mind and not the whole apocalyptic outcome, end of the known word thing.


Simon is touching the goat with much reluctance and Charlie is getting ready to push the goat of the hay bail. He learned "king of the hill" this particular week and was getting in some much needed practice. Even if he was able to actually push a goat off the hay bail, c'mon...they're freakin goats...*see above post for better clarification.



Charlie discovered that these suckers would eat anything he holds in his hands. Portable garbage disposals is pretty much what you're lookin at. All i know is that after charlies visit to this little farm, there may be a few goats with some tummy aches.


"Once there was this goat on a stack of hay bails, about this size, and i walked up to him and put my hands like this and pushed...it was so funny...everyone around us was laughing and that stupid goat just stared off into space lying on his back."


This pumpkin farm had a rule....you take what you can carry. Simon wanted this one....and you can tell his hernia is kicking in based on his facial contortions...or hes just a 5 year old, more accustomed to lifting legos and hotdogs. I really dig that rule...i wish it applied to everything...it would give me a reason to work out.

A few images to wet your clater addiction

So, its been quite a while since that last "update" to this blog, as the kids now-a-days are saying....but you really must consider that some of us actually have jobs. See how that math works...pretty simple i know. Anyway, this is just a taste of the morsels of cute that are to come.



You can see the fear in Simon's eyes as his plan begins to unfold. The heavy slumber in which charlie has partaken of, unaware of the peering eyes looking to lay hold of that which is held so dear to him. The bit of sandwich, stealing the suns rays and with it, a bit of hope that can fill an empty belly.....Simon will strike soon, and its captured light will be consumed.


Our neighbor grant came over to dress up with simon and then strike manly poses for anyone who happened across them...Charlie just got nekkid and sat near them to bask in a little of their runoff glory. I think charlie was confused about the dress up theme and was trying theatrically portray that little parrot-esque monster in "Return of the Jedi"....you know...the one that just sits on Jabba's lap and laughs in a high pitched squeal.


This is simon posing and looking FABULOUS! (if you say fabulous in a louder vabrato voice with an almost singing quality, you'll know what im going for) he later then explained to me in order to be taken seriously in the business world, i have to "match my leathers" and always use a specific type of skin care product of which i cant recall the name of.

Fodder to Fuel your Clater Burn.

Why are children fascinated with empty boxes....is it a symbolic act to define their individuality in this life, to show that possessions are nothing more then temporary objects destined to remain and waste away as this mortal coil expires? awww..but look how cute they are all crammed in that tiny space...like leftovers from a half decent dinner that you are not quite sure if you will get to it before you have to pitch it out.


its hard to do the "stare off into space in a dignified manner" while you're all nekkid in a foot of water freezing your nips off.


"oh geez...not this s@&% again....."